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Diary of a lonely film maker [entries|friends|calendar]

I wont leave...
I can't hide...
I cannot be...
Until you're resting here with me...
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Dear Diary... [30 Sep 2006|03:17am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me
'Cause I've never felt this way

No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So diary I'll confide in you

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by I thought he smiled at me

And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe

Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away
Diary, tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again

He smiled
And I thought my heart could fly
Diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?
I've got a feeling we'll be so much more than friends

How did we get here?

Was there ever a doubt? [27 Jul 2006|05:30pm]
So everyone is making this huge deal about the fact that Lance Bass is gay. Was there ever a doubt? I knew years ago that he was, and no one believed me! HA! BURN!

So, anyway...his boyfriend is pretty damn hot! Good God! Wow! He won the Amazing Race or something...but that's not what I care about...he's just hot...

Here's a link to pix of him.

Reichen Lehmkuhl

Now I'm gonna go see CATS with Seester, Nick and Amie.

1 answer to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

[15 Jul 2006|04:33pm]
*I love music. That in itself doesn't make me unique in the least, but the fact that I listen to just about any kind of music and enjoy it is unique.
*I used to hate country music.
*I listen to it more frequently than I ever thought.
*I cant go anywhere without my cell phone.
*I am going into my first year of college, and I am scared shitless.
*I've had two boyfriends.
*I made a lot of mistakes with my first boyfriend.
*It just didnt work out with the second.
*I am terrified that I might never find someone to love me.
*I pretend not to care what people think of me, but I really do.
*Sometimes I do things just because.
*Sometimes I act ways so that others can feel better, which makes them feel smarter and call me "stupid" or "dumb."
*I hate being called "stupid" or "dumb" for the things I do.
*I just want to make other people happy.
*I never make myself happy.
*I love waking up early! I really do. I feel so accomplished when I get up early and get things done.
*I love bonfires. I love the smell, the heat, the night, the weather. It's all so majestic.
*I sing a lot. A LOT. Not as much as others, but too much sometimes.
*I'm always turning things into drums. I'm a percussionist, so I bang lots of things.
*At work I bang on everything in sight. It pisses my co-workers and customers off. :)
*Smoking... As much as I hate it, I do it. Call me a hypocrite, I will agree with you wholeheartedly...but...
*I'm not a very good person. I'm trying to change that, I really am.
*My parents have been married for 20 years and are madly in love with eachother.
*I am the oldest of five children.
*I am 18 years old.
*Emily was my first sister, and I've always loved her so much. We've always been closer than most brothers and sisters.
*Could it be because I'm gay?
*Nicolas was (technically)the last in the immediate family that I'm gay. We were all afraid of how he would react. Since I told him we've been closer than ever. *We used to fight everyday and beat eachother up.
*He bit my stomach once because I wouldnt give him MY coloring book.
*My grandpa could have died a few years ago...BUT DIDNT.
*I really dont like him. I wish death upon him every day.
*Back to the "I'm not a very good person" part.
*If you knew why I wished death upon him, you would too.
*I love the first day of school. I love the newness of it; the new books, notebooks, folders, pens, freshly-sharpened pencils... But it all loses it's novelty after the first day.
*I love school, I really do...I'm just afraid of what college will or wont bring me.
*I think I'm going bald. It all started after Cheaper by the Dozen. I had so much color sprayed into my hair that it suffocated my scalp and I started losing my hair. I've tried so many different ways of restoring, but my hair hasnt gained the old fullness it had.
*Part of my hypocracy is that I hate hypocrites. Oh, the irony.
*I don't always step back to look at things like I should.
*I have a GameCube and PS2 and N64...I used to play them all the time but I've grown out of that. I want to go back sometimes.
*There are a lot of things that make me cry.
*You probably don't know what most of those things are.
*I am German, Irish, Polish, French, and English.
*I love saying I'm part Irish.
*I ♥ Irish boys.
*I ♥ boys in general.
*I love accents.
*I want to tour the world.
*I want to backpack across Europe.
*I was raised Catholic, but I don't believe in most of the stuff about Catholicism, so I don't think I am anymore.
*I like a lot of 80's bands.
*I will forever love the 90's.
*I still listen to Britney Spears.
*SHE'S a stupid bitch...not her music. I like the music...not her.
*Her husband is gross...like...EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...
*He reminds me of my first boyfriend...doesnt shower...smokes A LOT...wears the same clothes...looks greasy...yep! pretty much!
*I am an exact replica of my mother...except I have a penis.
*Today she told me she was a hermaphrodite...and I died laughting.
*She's not, but it was damned funny.
*I love musicals. Probably more than can be healthy.
*I love cleaning, I just hate cleaning my room.
*I've been a cashier at Wal*Mart for over a year.
*I want to be a CSM so badly, but I dont think it will happen.
*I find a lot of old people really cute. It's because they're so wise and learned I think.
*Or that they've been in love for so many many years.
*Or that they are so old, but still so hearty and youthful.
*That's how I want to be.
*I also find old people really annoying. Hypocrite, I know.
*I want piercings and tattoos.
*Well, I have 4 piercings, but I want more, maybe.
*I have 5 tattoos in mind right now.
*My parents dont like tattoos, but they watch Miami Ink with me. They always comment on how cool this one tattoo is, or how ugly this other is.
*I want a boy who I can cuddle with while we watch movies.
*When I start to like somebody, I like them for a reeeeeealy long time. Pathetic.
*I want badly to know how to play piano.
*I get pissed off a lot. You probably don't know that though.
*I'm very good at hiding when I am pissed or sad.
*I would love someone to give me flowers for no reason.
*I love giving or getting hugs.
*I give really good back massages.
*I never ask for one in return.
*Maybe if I did I'd be less stressed.
*I spend most of my omney on stupid crap.
*And not so stupid crap... I pledged money to ACS for the Relay for Life.
*The Relay was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life.
*My grandmother had breast cancer. She's a survivor now, but there is always the risk.
*My mom had a mamogram and they found something that could have been a tumor. She had to go for another one. I cried so much because I was afraid she had cancer.
*I prayed that I could have cancer rather than her.
*I cried more when we found out it wasn't.
*Again, there's always the possibility.
*I had a cancer scare when I was in middle school.
*Because of that I had surgery...and discovered I only have one testicle.
*I went into a long depression after that, and tried to kill myself.
*It would have worked if it weren't for my friends.
*I like to use correct grammar. Although it always doesnt seem that way, it kills me when I dont. I feel dumber
*I love having lots of family members.
*My family is crazy. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
*Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are from family reunions or get-togethers.
*I love my family.
*They dont yet know I'm gay...
*How could they not?
*I could watch Jeff Dunham's 'Arguing With Myself' DVD every day and never get bored of it. SAH-NAH-TAH-AH-NAH!
* I stole some of this list from Sara who stole it from Amie. Love you girls! I edited some of their things to work for me.
*Mountain Dew is the sweet nectar of the Gods.
*RENT is my favorite musical of all time, I cry every time I hear it.
*I also cry every time I hear Wicked.
*I cry a lot...more than I should.
*I don't have a best friend...I have 12.
*They are (in alphabetical order) Amie, Bobby, Crystal, Emily, Jason, Kara, Katie Jo, Kim, Matt, Nicolas, Sara, Sean
*My friends mean everything to me and without them I would not be here...literally.
*I tried to kill myself in the 8th grade.
*I feel like life is just flying by me and I'm being left behind.
*But at the same time I'm trying to make the most of my life.
*"No other road, no other way...NO DAY BUT TODAY!"
*That is my outlook on life. It applies to absolutetly anything.
*Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.
*Forget, regret, or life is yours to miss!
*By the way, I'm Bobby.
2 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

[15 Jul 2006|04:04pm]
After 34 minutes of trying to log on I finally made it!


I changed my password a while ago and I couldnt remember for the life of me what it was!

So, yeah. I've realized that it's been forever and a day since I've used LJ, so I'm going to get back into the habit. It's always good to be able to express one's self by just typing. I always feel better after I've updated...

So I'm going to do it now. I promise. I wont forget and just stop, I'll try and do it at least once a day.

I'm in the middle of cleaning the bathroom with Emmy and Nick, so I"m going back to doing that.

How did we get here?

EEEEH HEHEHEHEHEHE! [24 Apr 2006|07:31pm]

I got my letter today from Parkside...and I have been accepted as a freshman for the 2006-2007 Fall semester! I'm so excited! YAY! I have to take placement tests now, and i should probably audition for Pride and Prejudice...but i dont know when auditions are and i may be busy, i dunno...

but i'm gonna be with my peeps, and I just cant wait!


oh, yeah. I fucking hate nancy...just thought I'd put that out there...

4 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

at school. [07 Apr 2006|02:06pm]
so the network is all weird right now, so i'm updating. everything works today!

i lucking fuve everyone who is reading htis.

3 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

I dunno [02 Apr 2006|01:25pm]
It's been a while since I've updated. I used to update almost everyday...now it's just whenever.

I like how every time I log on there is something new and different on LJ. I like how it's growing.

Anyway, I met the coolest guy yesterday. He came to so my solo for WSMA with a teacher of his. They saw my Bring Him Home a few years back and we were talking about it and what I've sung since then, and they asked why i didnt do muscial theatre this year. I kept running into him...not purposely, but after rooms were done with the various things, and every time he would tell me how he liked my solo... He was really nice. Later in the day i started posting the scores and stuff, and then he'd be waiting there. One of the times he followed me back to the room, and we talked about various things. I wanted so badly to tell him how beautiful his eyes were, and how kind he was being...

He had to leave. His teacher came to the WSMA office to get him, and they left. I watched him walk out. I'm a fucking fool. I cannot believe I just let him walk out! We had been talking, getting to know eachother, and flirting...but i just let him walk away...


i'm such an idiot.

and my horoscope warned me not to pass up a big opportunity yesterday...god!

so, yeah. I'm on the search for him.. i'm going to try and find him on myspace, and see how it works out.

i've gotta go.

4 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

[05 Feb 2006|10:49pm]
What is your gay icon? by bert263
Who do u love?
your gay icon is:
your picture is:
your couple's pic is:
Quiz created with MemeGen!
How did we get here?

Brokeback Mountain [21 Jan 2006|08:30am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Last night Amie, Crystal, Sara and I went to see Brokeback Mountain.
All I can say is, "Oh my God." It was so amazing.
I am so glad we drove through the incredibly dangerous snow storm to go see it, becuase it was well worth it.
That movie has changed me.
I dont know how, but I just feel like a different person after watching it.
I was crying by the end of it...then the credits started and I bawled until I was near hyperventillating.

I'm going to start crying thinking about it now...

I came home and layed in my bed staring at my ceiling...thinking.
I layed there for an hour and a half in complete silence.
Then I started painting, and didnt like what I started, so I got my canvas and drew with Sharpies.
I'll get a picture up soon.

I'm going to have a new layout tomorrow...suprise, it's Brokeback Mountain themed.
I hope I'm not sounding all chipper and cheery with what I'm writing.
I'm very...mellow...

I need to cry again.

2 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

So I've decided... [13 Dec 2005|06:31pm]

After long consideration, I've decided that I am going to start using this more often. I remember when I first made this LJ and used it for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. Well, those days are far and long gone. I havent used it, well, at all since school started this year! So, in an effort to relieve some of my stress and emotions, I'm going to revive this. I made a new layout a week or two ago...and now i'm itching to do it again...

2 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

I'M SO FUCKING FED UP!!!!! [07 Nov 2005|05:50pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I'm so fucking sick of those who are so incredibly closed minded and cant accept the things they cannot control. I mean, what the flying fuck?

Here's the root of my anger...

So before school started, there was this thing being passed around by the senior class called "Dear Class of 2009." I thought it was cute, really. Like, it had pointers and stuff for the froshies before we all got there...telling thme not to get big headed and that they TRULY ARE the bottom of the ladder. Well, anyway, people commented and stuff, and then this moron goes and comments, and I quote...

"yea i hate...
here they r.......

Okay, let's analyze a few things there. First off, "yeah" is spelled incorrectly, and not capitalized. So how it is spelled, (yea) would be pronounce it "yee", similar to "pea." Secondly, each line being different capitalizations is not visually appealing. Third, r? r? ARE! HELLO?!?!? Oh, and finally, FUCKEN? Is that some new bird species? I'm not sure which bird the FU comes from, but the CKEN is from chicken, so that must be it.

Okay, now, I never really cared about what this guy thought because I've never really known him, or even cared to; but now I really care about what he thinks, ya know? I mean, he has clearly proven himself intelligent. And if you go to his profile you will see what I mean when I say that he just makes me feel like a complete and utter moron compared to him.

I'm going to go to bed now and pray that I one day can be smarter than this guy. He just...wow...I idolize him...

3 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

[24 Oct 2005|08:06pm]
i've been crying for hours...
i know why, but it's really rediculous...
or is it?

so many shitty things are happing right now,
and I just cant handle them all.
it's time i took a break
and brought myself back to reality.

i'm sick of glossing over everything with good.
smiles can only take you so far.
i'm through with playing by the rules.
fuck this all.

i'm still crying now
cause my heart pours into every emotion there is.
i honestly dont know why i'm doing this.
it's kinda pissing me off.

yet i continue to do it anyway.
if only you could know to which lengths i would go for you.

it's different than you may think.
it's better.

forget all of your pasts
and start a new future with something new and fresh.
start one with me.

i'm so tired right now of crying.
i sat by the thespian wall and cried for twenty minutes today.
i read every word on that wall...every last word.

then i thought about how close i am to leaving my part of the world on that wall.
my life will not last forever,
but at least i'll die knowing that i somehow changed someone's by writing on that wall.

i'm done now...
3 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

I EXIST! [17 Oct 2005|08:20pm]
So...I've been really busy with a lot lately.

Here's a brief overview of the past weeks.

This past weekend was Night on Broadway. It went really well. Liz and I MC'd and we were pretty darned good. Some of the solos and songs were AMAZING...and others werent. My favorite song was our Secret Garden Medley for concert choir. I liked my solo too...but I forgot my mic on saturday...yeesh! it was funny. I swear, I have never sung that loud before IN MY LIFE!

Last weekend I hung out with Jason, Sara, Slov, Katie, Butz, and the other peeps. It was fun when we went to the Bear Den haunted woods. There was only one part in that entire thing that scared the shit out of me...but I wont tell you. Like...OHMYGAWD...JASON AND I NEARLY SHIT OUR PANTS. Let's see.

The weekend before we went to The Darkness in Elkhorn, and Lyssa, Amie and I met the woman who did the makeup for all of the frozen people in Titanic. She was really nice. She gave us Call Sheets from Titanic, and pins of hers. I love her. She's really nice, and was quite funny.
The Darkness was okay. NOT WORTH TWELVE BUCKS!...but okay. We ran into Bob and some other people who graduated last year. I wanted to talk to them real quick, but they had to go...and so did we. So, I gave Jase my keys to turn on the car, and he drove away...NOW it's funny...but I was SO pissed at him when it was happening.

Yeah. other than that nothing has happened much. Homecoming was fun. I was on court. Some guys started harassing me at the dance, so I filed harassment on them the first day back from Homecoming weekend. They hate me now for it, but i dont care! I really hate them, and they had it coming! I'm sick of putting up with their shit.

Yeah. I have to go. I have a short story due tomorrow in Creative Writing, and I only have a paragraph written.

1 answer to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

The Secret Garden Medley [17 Oct 2005|07:53pm]
Clusters of crocus, purple and gold,
Blankets of pansies, up from the cold,
Lillies and iris safe from the chill,
Safe in my garden,
Snow drops so still...

High on a hill sits a big old house with something wrong inside it,
Spirits haunt the halls and make no effort now to hide it.
What will put their souls to rest and stop their ceaseless sighing?
Why do they call out childrens names and speak of one who's crying?

And the master hears the whispers on the stairways dark and still.
And the spirits speak of secrets in the house upon the hill.

High on a hill sits a big old house with something wrong inside it.
Someone died, and someone's left alone and cant abide it.
There in the house is a lonely man still haunted by her beauty,
Asking what a life can be when not remains but duty.

And the master hears the whispers on the stairways dark and still.
And the spirits speak of secrets in the house upon the hill...

...I heard someone crying...who though, could it be?
Maybe it was mother calling out from sea.
Maybe it was mother, all alone and lost and cold.
I heard someone crying, maybe it was me.

I heard someone singing, who, though, could it be?
Maybe it was Lily, calling out to me.
Maybe she's not gone so far away as I've been told.
I heard someone crying, maybe it was she/

I heard someon crying, though I cant say whom.
Someone in this house with nothing left to do.
Sounded like his father, left alone his love grown cold.
I heard someone crying, maybe it was he.

I heard someone crying, who else could it be?
Surely it was Mary, why can no one see?
Crying for her mother, for the life she's never known.
So lost see her lying in her room alone.

A bit of earth...she wants a little bit of Earth,
She'll plant some seeds.
The seeds will grow...the flowers bloom but is their bounty
What she needs?
How can she chance to love a little bit of earth?
She does not know...the earth is old,
And doesnt care if one small girls wants things to grow.

She needs a friend...she needs a father, brother, sister,
Mother's arms.
She needs to laugh, she needs to dance and learn to work her
Girlish charms.
She needs a home...the only thing she really needs I cannot give
I cannot give.
Instead she asks...
A bit of earth...to make it live...

A bit of earth, she wants a little bit of earth,
She'll plant some seeds.
The seeds will grow, the flowers bloom,
Their beauty just the thing she needs.
She'll grow to love the tender roses, lilies fair,
The iris tall.

And then in fall, her bit of Earth will freeze,
And kill them all.

A bit of earth, a bit of earth.
A bit of earth, a bit of earth.
A bit of earth, a bit of earth.

She has her eye, the girl has Lily's hazel eyes.
Those eyes that saw him happy long ago.
Those eyes that gave him life and hope he'd never known.
How can he see this girl and miss those hazel eyes?

She has her eyes, the girl has Lily's hazel eyes.
Those eyes that closed and left me all alone.
Those eyes I feel will never ever let me go.
How can I see this girl who has her hazel eyes?

She has my Lily's hazel eyes.
Those eyes that saw me happy long ago.
How can I now forget that once I dared to be,
In love alive and whole...
In Lily's eyes?

Come to my garden,
nestled in the hill.
there I'll keep you safe beside me.

Come to my garden,
rest there in my arms.
There I'll see you safely grown,
And on your way.

Stay there in my garden,
where love grows free and wild.
Come to my garden.
Come sweet child.

Lift me up, and lead me to
The Garden.
Where life begins anew.
Where I'll find you,
and I'll find you love me too.

Lift me up
and lead me to
The garden
Where love grows deep and true
Where i'll tell you, where I'll show you
My new Life..
I will live for you.

I shall see you in the garden
and spring will come and stay.
Lift me up, and lead me to the garden.
Come sweet day.

What you've got to do is finish what you have begun.
I dont know just how, but it's not over
till you've won.

When you see the storm is coming,
See the lightning part the skies.
It's too late to run,
There's terror in your eyes.

What you do then is remember,
This old thing you heard me say.
It's the storm not you,
that's bound to blow away.

Hold on.
Hold on to someone standing by.
Hold on, dont even ask how long or why.
Child hold on to what you know is true,
Hold on till you get through.
Child oh child...
Hold on.

How could I know I would have to leave you?
How could I know I would hurt you so?
You were the one I was born to love.
Oh how, could I ever know?
How could I ever know?

How can I say to go on, without me?
How when I know you still need me so?
How can I say not to dream about me?
How could I ever know?
How could I ever know?

Come to my garden.
Rest there in my arms.
There I'll see you safely grown.
And on your way. Ah.
2 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

[26 Sep 2005|07:13pm]
I dont know what it is...


I'm just not me right now.

Maybe it's the realization that in a day and a half I'll be 18...

Or the fact that you can never quite get exactly what your heart desires...

Or that maybe a "hetero-life-mate" is just a ploy to get closer to him...

Or could it be all of these things, and then some?

I wrote a thing for creative writing. A lot of people said they liked it a lot, but I didnt. It just wasnt to my standards. Well, everyone read it, but the person of whom it was written. I gave it to him today to read it...I felt he had to. He's been so confusing with everyone, and no one understands. Hell, I try so hard to understand, but I just cant. It hurts more every time I try to comprehend what he does, and why he does it.

He doesnt know better.

* * * * *

I dont know how I feel about Wednesday. Shouldnt I be excited? I TURN 18! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I should be relishing the fact that I can now legally get porn, cigs, lottery tickets, and other things...but why am I so down right now?

I dont even know...


bye now...
4 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

Rock For The Red Cross [24 Sep 2005|01:31pm]

Proceeds go directly to the American Red Cross for the victims of hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
How did we get here?

[12 Sep 2005|10:27pm]
Everything's an act when you're pleasing everyone.
And he assumes that role to such renown,
He plays a perfect part, straight from his heart,
Knowing the risk he takes.
And hoping that the house is not brought down.

The role of a lifetime is living a fantasy.
A trauma that you struggle to erase.
Thoughts battle words over deeds,
A war with such casualties.
All played out behind a smiling face...

God I need your guidance,
Tell me what it means,
To live a life where nothing's as it seems.
Spending days in silent fear,
And spending nights in lonely prayer,
Hoping that one day when you wake,
those feelings wont be there...

I'm so confused because I feel complete with him.
And here alone it all somehow makes sense.
Look into his eyes for some compromise,
Remeber the word "forget",
And try to bury something so intense.

You learn to play the straight man,
Your lines become routine,
Never really saying what you mean.
But I know the scene will change.
White picket fences and a dog,
A trophy bride and children.
God I know that's what he wants.
But Jason what role do I play?
Am I a saviour or a phase?

Am I here to damn you,
Or to help you navigate this maze?

Where confusion is a crime,
So you fill your life with sound.
And if you dance like hell,
You hope you'll never touch the ground.

What happens when the music stops?
In the silence will he stay?
One day you'll realize that these feelings are going away.

So we drive ourselves insane,
Spinning circles in our souls.
As we dance around and play pretend.

Then once again...
Reprise our roles...
How did we get here?

[08 Sep 2005|10:40pm]

I hope you dont take what I was saying the wrong way. I love you from the bottom of my heart, and I was only being honest with you, like I should have been.

I was wrong, and I'm sorry. God..."I'm sorry" doesnt even cover how sorry I am.

I'm gonna go die now.

1 answer to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

[07 Sep 2005|10:27pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Now I'm pissed...because I just had the greatest comment ever written in reply to an entry Sara just had...and LJ wouldnt let me post.

APPARENTLY your comments cant be longer than 4300 characters...and mine was 5300. Then, after it told me, it erased everything I had typed!

I cant even begin to retype it...it took me 45 minutes...

And I cant even think straight right now, because my head hurts immensly from crying. I just cant think of anyother ways to say "I'm sorry" and explain myself.

I fucking suck.

I'll try again, I promise.

3 answers to a lonely film maker|How did we get here?

In response to a friend's entry... [03 Sep 2005|01:18pm]
i'm sorry for how you feel
but you know what i'm going to say
i know how your feeling
because i feel the same way

but we both know how things have to stay
for we understand that the one is not able to say
exactly what he wants
or who he wants to be
we both wish, "if only he could like me"

but we both know it cannot be that way
we know that something would not just be right
for if we look into the brighter side of today
there will be that someone hiding in that light

right there waiting at the journey's end
who will want to get to know us
better than a friend

we both want it to happen for us
we both want him to be
the only one to console us
to set ourselves free

but he's not the one for either of us
we knew it from the start
because the feelings fuming inside of him
arent always from the heart

i hope you know
will all of my heart
how truly, and deeply
i love you

i want you to know
that whatever you need
i'll be right here
beside you

i know i cannot fill your dreams
the way you want him to
but i have so much more to offer
than a simple kiss or two

i will be here
by your side
for all of eternity

and for all that time
i pray to God
you'll be right there
beside me

so please dont take this
in that extremely personal way
i'm just trying to tell you
my thoughts on this today

becasue i feel the same way that you do
even though it cannot be
because why would someone like him
care for someone like me?
How did we get here?

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